Second time in the vineyard...

So...the theatre gods smiled on me at the 7:00 call today...

I was sitting in Kodama with the rest of my cast mates...enjoying a typical meal. We were just about to head up to the theatre for fight call when my phone rang. Johnny's out...I'm on.

I have to admit, at this point I was more nervous than the first time they told me I was going on. However, once I got to the theatre, cleared my head, and went through a much-needed sound check with our musical director, I was back on track. My mind was open and I was ready to go on.

The second I entered the stage I felt a wave of relief. This time was going to be SO much better than the first. I felt it. This time, I could have fun.

And I did have fun. Every scene felt exceedingly better than when I first attempted it on Monday...when I was still completely flabbergasted that I was even standing there. (By the way, flabbergasted is a damn good word.)

A fan said I was shaking at one point and that I must have been so nervous (when I headed over to the myspace for spring awakening to respond to a comment, I noticed that this same fan had posted a relatively flattering review)...I was very surprised that I was shaking (although, I'm convinced that I never was hahah.) I wasn't nervous at all this time. It was so strange...but I was so grateful that I wasn't nervous. I finally could breathe and "play." I trusted what I was doing much more this time.

I'm still trying to work out how to breath enough during Totally Fucked so I have enough air for the Vineyard scene...It's sort of an exhausting little number.

The post show experience may be one of the best things about having gone on. I started for the stage door and a little Broadway hero of mine was standing there. John Tartaglia. Now, I saw John in Avenue Q when I was a junior in high school. I went to the stage door and got him to sign my playbill and he commented on my many hemp necklaces. (I was a major hippie in high school.) I adored his performance in Avenue Q and was honored to be up for the role this past March. Tonight was my first stage door experience where a person I respected so thoroughly and had been so inspired by was on the other side talking to me about my performance. It was a total mind fuck. It was beyond emotional. After we talked for a bit he shook my hand goodbye and complimented me...I think I made an indecipherable sound in response.

When I went outside, I signed a few playbills and headed to where my cast had gathered. Suddenly two close friends who went to high school with me appeared. I hadn't spoken to one of them since we had graduated two years ago. It was unbelievable looking at that side of my past and realizing how far we had come. We started to discuss San Francisco and some of the school shows we did together...It was completely overwhelming. I had no idea that they were there. Of all nights for them to "stop by the show."

Yes It's 4 am while I write this...yes I have a softball game, the gym, a haircut, and a show tomorrow night...but I can't sleep. I'm too blown away by what's surrounding me right now. There was a sense of unease after my first show on Monday night but tonight I have so much more gratification. I look back on where I was only a year ago and simply cannot believe how far I have taken myself. I know that hard work pays off. When I read some of the older entries on this blog, I am reminded even more fully of that. I haven't got a clue when I'll go on next...it could be tomorrow...it could be in a month...it could be when Groff takes a vacation (to all you guilty ones...no...I don't know when he'll be taking a vacation)...but for tonight I'm thrilled with my own success and even more thrilled that I have the opportunity to share that success with such an immensely talented and hard working cast.

By the way...I have a feeling some of you die-hard fans out there didn't have a clue I went on again...judging by the fact that my facebook wasn't stuffed with messages and comments. I promise I will post something on facebook if I get more warning next time.